I feel the rumblings and the shakings of myself wanting to type this out. Not to write it, but to type it. I feel like I’m feeding myself with all these external stimuli, I feel like there is so much to indulge in, so much to digest, so many people to contact, it’s endless. I feel like I’m looking for something that I’m not finding. I feel like I’ve been putting off making a blog because I figure everyone else is doing it, and I write in my physical journal, so what’s the big idea about putting it online, typing it rather than writing and feeling the words? What’s the big difference?
Well, obviously I am here, writing this blog. Which I may never show anyone. Likely not.
The internet, the floating world of cyberspace is an open realm to find inspiration, but this inspiration can be so fleeting. You love a video you see on youtube, you are totally inspired by a work of art you stumbled upon using… Stumble, you receive a comment from someone that you would like to document in order to be able to easily reference it at a later time, something that acknowledges your self worth, that you could see yourself looking for at some moment of weakness down the road.
There are all these things that we feel like we want to save somewhere, but let go of. Or, we save them, but in a whole bunch of mixed up, displaced places. They are not all organized, they are not all in the same place.
Who am I writing this for? For me? For sharing? I have a huge desire to share my life with someone… with people who have the desire to try to understand. God knows, I would love to understand others on a deeper level, if they would let me. I am so curious about others. Am I curious to compare, however? Is that an okay thing?
Comparison without judgment. Is it possible?
I am curious to relate, I think, moreso than to compare. Is relation a form of comparison, without judgment?
I guess if I keep making excuses not to have a blog, I’m going to keep clogging back something that obviously wants to be created, otherwise I wouldn’t be typing this right now, and it wouldn’t be coming out so seamlessly (even though it feels like a jabbering mess, but it feels good despite this).
I could always make certain entries private. It would be nice to sort through all of my blogs that I have had in the past, and find all my workings, and put them all in one place. Filing. Organizing.
I fill my time so that the time to organize is lost. It’s nice to have everything find a ‘right place’ to be in. At least for the time. A place to rest, right?
Things and people, they need places to rest.
I, and many of the people in my life these days, have been reaching out to chronicle their lives, via blogging, vlogging, writing songs, poetry, videos, whatever else. I'm inspired by these things, and these people. I also feel a compulsion to chronicle, but it hasn't really extended far into the technological realm. My method, for a very long time, as been to write it all out. Stream of consciousness writing. Don't limit, don't paraphrase, write out every. single. word. move on to the next one. Get it all out, no matter what sense it does or does not make. I think, instead of forming this blog into something presentable, linear, neatly packaged, with nice links, nice videos, a pertinent and logical flow of ideas, I think I'll just let that lofty expectation go, and really let this be just another format to connect with my self. If this blog somehow finds the eyes of someone, so be it. If it happens to be someone I know, or everyone I know, so be it. I feel like I'm at a point in my life, where I've got nothing to hide. Maybe someday I'll shake my head and say "Oh, poor 23 year old self, did you have no shame? No dignity?"
Until then, my unabashed, unyielding, non-sneezeguarded meanderings will most likely be left on this here buffet of scraps. Delicious scraps, mind you. But, knowing the way I think, write, and often communicate, it'll be like shoving a mandarin orange slice, with some green onions, a tubesteak, and chocolate drizzle all into your mouth at once. Interesting, nonsensical, sometimes-nauseating, but minus the judgement that usually comes along with all of that.
You might also be delighted to know that I'm seriously considering the purchase of a pocket digital camcorder. Let this be one of many communication outlets!
I am moving to Korea in about 6-8 weeks. Before that, I have an elaborate plan for my last days here in Canada. Almost too much stuff, I've managed to fill my plate with. My will power to do (or eat) these things is uncanny, and something that I've honed throughout my life. But why I put myself through such toils and snares, I don't know. I think it's partially a compulsion toward activity. This is something I've been made aware of with myself in the past few years. Perhaps an aspiration to grow, unceasingly grow in all directions, at any cost, without mind of my capacities. I push my capacities in many ways in my life. I think this experience of life that I'll have in the next few months (also, the next few years) will be a way for me to learn about my capacities, my boundaries, my limits (if there are any, echo 'heeeeellllllllllooooooo!" into the microphone, please.)
-the soulo spacecadet signing off!
Well, obviously I am here, writing this blog. Which I may never show anyone. Likely not.
The internet, the floating world of cyberspace is an open realm to find inspiration, but this inspiration can be so fleeting. You love a video you see on youtube, you are totally inspired by a work of art you stumbled upon using… Stumble, you receive a comment from someone that you would like to document in order to be able to easily reference it at a later time, something that acknowledges your self worth, that you could see yourself looking for at some moment of weakness down the road.
There are all these things that we feel like we want to save somewhere, but let go of. Or, we save them, but in a whole bunch of mixed up, displaced places. They are not all organized, they are not all in the same place.
Who am I writing this for? For me? For sharing? I have a huge desire to share my life with someone… with people who have the desire to try to understand. God knows, I would love to understand others on a deeper level, if they would let me. I am so curious about others. Am I curious to compare, however? Is that an okay thing?
Comparison without judgment. Is it possible?
I am curious to relate, I think, moreso than to compare. Is relation a form of comparison, without judgment?
I guess if I keep making excuses not to have a blog, I’m going to keep clogging back something that obviously wants to be created, otherwise I wouldn’t be typing this right now, and it wouldn’t be coming out so seamlessly (even though it feels like a jabbering mess, but it feels good despite this).
I could always make certain entries private. It would be nice to sort through all of my blogs that I have had in the past, and find all my workings, and put them all in one place. Filing. Organizing.
I fill my time so that the time to organize is lost. It’s nice to have everything find a ‘right place’ to be in. At least for the time. A place to rest, right?
Things and people, they need places to rest.
I, and many of the people in my life these days, have been reaching out to chronicle their lives, via blogging, vlogging, writing songs, poetry, videos, whatever else. I'm inspired by these things, and these people. I also feel a compulsion to chronicle, but it hasn't really extended far into the technological realm. My method, for a very long time, as been to write it all out. Stream of consciousness writing. Don't limit, don't paraphrase, write out every. single. word. move on to the next one. Get it all out, no matter what sense it does or does not make. I think, instead of forming this blog into something presentable, linear, neatly packaged, with nice links, nice videos, a pertinent and logical flow of ideas, I think I'll just let that lofty expectation go, and really let this be just another format to connect with my self. If this blog somehow finds the eyes of someone, so be it. If it happens to be someone I know, or everyone I know, so be it. I feel like I'm at a point in my life, where I've got nothing to hide. Maybe someday I'll shake my head and say "Oh, poor 23 year old self, did you have no shame? No dignity?"
Until then, my unabashed, unyielding, non-sneezeguarded meanderings will most likely be left on this here buffet of scraps. Delicious scraps, mind you. But, knowing the way I think, write, and often communicate, it'll be like shoving a mandarin orange slice, with some green onions, a tubesteak, and chocolate drizzle all into your mouth at once. Interesting, nonsensical, sometimes-nauseating, but minus the judgement that usually comes along with all of that.
You might also be delighted to know that I'm seriously considering the purchase of a pocket digital camcorder. Let this be one of many communication outlets!
I am moving to Korea in about 6-8 weeks. Before that, I have an elaborate plan for my last days here in Canada. Almost too much stuff, I've managed to fill my plate with. My will power to do (or eat) these things is uncanny, and something that I've honed throughout my life. But why I put myself through such toils and snares, I don't know. I think it's partially a compulsion toward activity. This is something I've been made aware of with myself in the past few years. Perhaps an aspiration to grow, unceasingly grow in all directions, at any cost, without mind of my capacities. I push my capacities in many ways in my life. I think this experience of life that I'll have in the next few months (also, the next few years) will be a way for me to learn about my capacities, my boundaries, my limits (if there are any, echo 'heeeeellllllllllooooooo!" into the microphone, please.)
-the soulo spacecadet signing off!
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